Midwest Region - Second Round

It's the same in every office. Every year, some chick wins the bracket contest by picking alphabetically, or by famous alumni. Something stupid, that has no basis in which basketball team is actually better.

Well, men can play this game too. I'm breaking down every game of the tournament filling out our bracket by the old standby - "Who'd win in a Fight."

I was waiting on the play-in, um opening round, to do the West Region. So in the mean time, I give you the second round in the Midwest.

1 Florida Gators vs. 8 Arizona Wildcats
Seems that a new generation of fans are being exposed to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles via a new movie hitting theaters.

So we’ll match a couple characters appearing with the heroes on a half shell.

Leatherhead was a mutant like the turtles, and actually lived with them at some point. Much like Casey Jones, he was both an enemy and a friend, but we have to assume that he spent some time learning from the wise Master Splinter.

Scratch was some kind of cat burglar. Presumably living in the sewer or the back alley, this was a rather obscure character who had very little to do with any plot line in history.

Leatherhead, with his scientific abilities, and leather coat wouldn’t hesitate kicking Scratch back into her litter box.

You may be a wild cat, but you got no chance against an abnormally smart mutant Gator (which may or may not have been a crocodile in some incarnations).

5 Butler Bulldogs vs. 4 Maryland Terrapins
When I say Butler, what’s the first thing you think of?

Now, I may be in a television mood, but I’m not thinking of the school.

I’m thinking of Geoffrey Butler on The Fresh Prince. He was an Olympic runner, and the butler for Led Zeppelin in the 70s. Dude is a badass.

Not only did he clean, he had the balls to make fun of Uncle Phil’s weight. Not many people have the moxie to do that.

His match up - the Merry Maids. I’ve got to be allowed to stretch a little bit, don’t I?

While I’m sure they do a good job, I’ve seen them driving around in little Civic Hatchbacks running red lights and aiming for dogs on the sidewalk.
Screw them.

Actually, I made that stuff up about the dogs, but Geoffrey is so strong they didn’t even have a chance. I didn’t even mention Benson - who would like-wise clean up in this match up.

6 Notre Dame Irish vs. 14 Miami Redhawks
Now I know that I said I’d try to come up with something original for each match up, but I lied.

It’s kind of destiny that Lucky has gotten to use the rice on different birds in two separate match ups. They’re kind of like Cinderella. (I’m sure Brady Quinn looks good in his dresses).

The Irish are a one-trick pony into the Sweet 16, much like Louisville in the real tournament with their 3-Pointers. You have to guess they’ll go cold at some point.

10 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets vs. 2 Wisconsin Badgers
I originally thought a Badger built dams in the river. That’s apparently not the case.

They’re not woodchucks either. Actually closer to Sonic the Hedgehog.

That’s bad news for your 2nd seed. See, everyone from the south knows that when you’re being chased by a bunch of bees, you jump in the lake.

Had they been beavers, they would have been able to advance by hanging out underwater.

But as they said on UHF - Badgers, we don’t need no stinkin’ badgers.

That’s your second 2-seed eliminated.