Do they have rape stands at Phish concerts?

I pooped this morning. Nike stopped selling Michael Vick merchandise. Therefore, my chocolate dragon is responsible for the redirection of Air Zoom Vick V shoes from Foot Action, USA, to Foot Action, Mozambique.

Wait, both PETA and the Humane Society of the United States are taking credit for Nike dumping Vick, what about me?

The cause and effect relationship of the events is just as faulty, whether the cause you are considering is fecal matter or my launching of brown submarines. Well, maybe not AS faulty, but still.

Everyone who once marketed Vick like, oh, lets say a piece of meat, stopped promoting Michael Vick because Michael Vick was bad for business. Millions of Americans weren’t going to buy Michael Vick jerseys, shoes or anything else because they decided he wasn’t someone they wanted to be associated with. This decision was made without any peer pressure from the Animal Nazi’s.

In fact, Nike doesn’t make Birkenstocks or hemp-based athletic wear so these were protests by people who weren’t even consumers to begin with. That leads to the question, why then would these passive terrorists even bother attacking Nike, the football league they don’t watch, and the team they don’t root for?

Well, if Nike, the NFL and Falcons are set to lose money due to their association with Vick, it would then be rather safe to assume that someone would stand to benefit. You can’t get a Toyota Prius or paint to throw on innocent people for free, so PETA and the HSUS put themselves in a position to capitalize through increased donations from increased visibility.

They’re exploiting these dogs more than Michael Vick ever thought of doing. Vick had only the most animalistic and barbaric of interests in the dogs, but with his contract it obviously wasn’t the monetary interests motivating his disturbing behavior. They get free product placement in all forms of media, become a more well-known brand.

PETA’s website first proclaims victory in pressuring Nike (perhaps I need to mail them a bag-o-doogan?), then the fourth link is a solicitation for donations. They have also apparently figured out Café Press, because through their site you can buy a variety of clothing items that exploit fighting dogs for profit.

The sad thing is, saying they want to fill the coffers is giving them the more benevolent of motivations. The other would be to taint a potential jury pool by casting guilt upon him. Then they’d be denying Vick his right to a fair trial.