The Mascot Matchup - South Region

Yes indeed, the Mascot Matchups are back. Hours of work are in. 5 posts this year. One for each region, one for the Final 4. Here's the third edition, the South.

SOUTH FIRST ROUND
1 Memphis Tigers vs 12 UTA Mavericks
A maverick is a non conformist. Probably a bad idea. Conforming to what most people do would keep the Mavericks from being in a situation to fight a tiger. That's right kids, conform. It keeps you from being eaten by a Tiger.

8 Mississippi State Bulldogs vs 9 Oregon Ducks

Oregon's mascot is pretty close to Donald Duck. Like, lawsuit close. Speaking of Donald Duck, why didn't he wear pants, yet when he got out of the shower he'd have a towel around his waist? Wait, back to the fight. I guess Donald Duck against Hector the Bulldog. Hector was the dog that would always take out Sylvester to protect Tweety. Oregon, prepare to be a turducken.

5 Michigan State Spartans vs 12 Temple Owls

Remember that movie with Brad Pitt and the guy from Blackhawk Down? I think Brad Pitt was a Spartan in there. I'll take him over the animal that couldn't even resist a stupid tootsie pop. Also, as someone who racked up a couple grand in dentist bills as an adult, it does not take three licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop. No, that's how many it takes to bite the sucker, crack a tooth and need a crown. Stupid owl, I hope the sword through your chest hurts.

4 Pitt Panthers vs 13 Oral Roberts Golden Eagles

You ever watch the show House? They always think it's cushings. Always. Run the test, it's cushings. It's not cushings. Then at the end it turns out to be something else. Well, after the panthers ate the golden eagles, they'd go to the vet. The vet would then say the panther has cushings. Then, after that wasn't it, they'd determine that eating a giant metal eagle leads to heavy metal toxicity. Then the panther would die.

6 Marquette Golden Eagles vs 11 Kentucky Wildcats

You ever watch the show House? Blah, Blah, Blah, heavy metal toxicity, dead wildcat.

3 Stanford Cardinal vs 14 Cornell Big Red

OK, so let me get this straight. Two teams who's mascot is A COLOR are fighting in round one? The committee says they don't consider mascots, but I call shenanigans. How the hell does red fight red? The gum versus a tree? A gum Tree? Why's Cornell represented by a bear? A brown bear? Why no fire ants? Or Doublemint Twins? Still better than a tree. Trees aren't red. However, in a bear versus tree fight, the only reason I can even think there would be a fight is if there was a hunter in a tree stand. In that case, give me the hunter.

7 Miami Hurricanes vs 10 St. Mary's Gaels

Pretty sure that St. Mary's spells their mascot wrong, but that's neither here nor there. But who would have thought we'd ever have a matchup of two windy weather systems? That's why we do this people. That's why we do this. Anyway, hurricane-force winds are stronger than gale-force winds. That's why we don't have gale warnings.

2 Texas Longhorns vs 15 Austin Peay Governors

Really? The Governors? Hmm, Elliot Spitzer or a thousand pound piece of livestock. Depending on his tastes, he might pay 5000 dollars for that. Peay becomes a cow pie, ironic huh?

SECOND ROUND
Memphis Tigers vs Mississippi Bulldogs

How come there are no Giant Dogs? I mean, there's wolves, but you don't go to the jungle and worry about getting eaten by a Great Great Dane. And how did regular cats become such sissies while being related to a Tiger? I think it'd be awesome if there were giant dogs, like instead of miniature schnauzer, there was a super-giant schnauzer with teeth the size of hotdogs. But since this is the bulldogs, not the bull-sized dogs, the tigers win.

Michigan State Spartans vs Orel Roberts Golden Eagles

OK, who knew there was actually an animal called the golden eagle? Certainly not me. Apparently, they are quite vicious birds. Dedicated hunters and what not. But if that golfer guy could take out a bird with a golf ball, I don't think the savages from 300 would have much trouble.

Stanford Cardinal vs Marquette Golden Eagles

I think that birds are color blind, but I didn't pay attention in school. So bird versus color is a tough one for us to pull off. But since a bird would make it's nest in a tree, I think that's like making the tree your bitch. Even if it doesn't, I think that eventually the bird would poop in the tree, and that's definitely a loss for the tree.

Texas Longhorns vs Miami Hurricanes

Most visuals you have of hurricanes on TV are Jim Cantore standing by a stop sign near the beach watching it twist in the wind. So I don't know that I've ever seen the actual cow versus hurricane fight. However, I did see a cow fight a tornado on that movie twister. The cow definitely lost that one, I'm going to assume the hurricane can win that fight.

SOUTH SWEET SIXTEEN
Memphis Tigers vs Michigan State Spartans

If a lion is king of the jungle, does that make a tiger the king of the grasslands? This is actually quite intriguing for a fight. The only historical reference I have here is that movie 300 where he killed a tiger with a stick. I guess the Spartans advance with their use of a stick. A pointy one.

Marquette Golden Eagles vs Miami Hurricanes

Birds have an uncanny ability to avoid the weather. After a hurricane you'd really expect to see the ground littered with birds who died in the storm. But some how there aren't. I guess they fly north, or something. So I'm not sure HOW it happens, but somehow the birds would come away with a victory. Somehow.

SOUTH REGIONAL FINAL
Michigan State Spartans vs Marquette Golden Eagles
The Spartans again are forced to face a golden eagle. I see no reason the outcome would be different here.