Midwest Regional

It’s down to crunch time in the mascot match up bracket.

Here’s your regionals starting in San Antone with the Midwest.

1 Florida Gators vs. 5 Butler Bulldogs
Want to guess how many results you get on Google if you search for “Alligator eats Dog?” 200? No. 2,000? Not Close. 20,000 still isn’t in the same ballpark.

796,000 results.

SEVEN HUNDRED AND NINETY SIX THOUSAND.

Sorry, even I can’t find any reason to eliminate the Gators.

6 Notre Dame Fightin’ Irish vs. 10 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets
I don’t think a bee will explode if fed rice. In fact, I don’t think they could even eat any rice.

Besides the Cheerios Bee is probably too smart to fall for any cereal-related tricks.

And he’d put a giant eye-swole on that Leprechaun with his stinger.

But lest we forget, that Georgia Tech is also known as the Ramblin' Wreck. A choo-choo if you will.

Well, when they were building the transcontinental railroad in this country, it was primarily done using Chinese and Irish labor.

The work was done for sub-standard pay. So I guess you could say that the railroad got over on the Irish using indentured servitude.

But no – the reality is my people suckered the railroad bosses by doing substandard work that they had to go back and fix.

Suckers.

That leaves us with a regional final of:

1 Florida Gators vs. 6 Notre Dame Fightin’ Irish
I’ve heard that the only way to kill a leprechaun is by making him eat a four-leaf clover.

At least, I think that’s what it was. I just fast-forwarded to the parts of the movie where Jennifer Anniston was jumping around.

Perhaps I just don’t know enough about the movie to apply it to the match up.

As an Irish-descended person myself, I’ve had some experience with gators.

As a kid we had used to go fishing at a lake where Gators were relocated. My dad used to try and hit the gators that were sunning themselves on the shore of the lake with his cast. And my mom would chew his ass out for it, and make him move the boat away from the gator.

If my dad had to move his fishin’ spot, you can consider that a victory for the Gator species.

Florida is in the Final 4.